Regrets
by doodleswriter357
Summary: Tina has regrets; they rule her actions and choices and the chain of regrets continues. Explores the events of "Sexy."


**I haven't written from Tina's point of view for awhile, but this plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone. This explores some of the events of "Sexy" and "Rumors" and while it is essentially a story about Tina's feelings for Artie, there is some Tike and references to Bartie. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything.**

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><p>Tina's pretty sure that she's to blame for this whole mess, but she doesn't want to think about it that way. She sometimes wishes that things had never changed; that she and Artie were still together, and the whole first half of their junior year could be rewritten. At first she was fully committed to her relationship with Mike. She wanted to get back at Artie; make him feel as bad as she felt over the summer when he was more invested in his video games than her. Deep down, she knew that what she did was wrong. She had always looked down on people who cheated, yet she went and did it herself. She knew about Artie's insecurities and had rubbed them in his face by emphasizing her relationship with Mike.<p>

She realized that she wasn't completely over him when the duets assignment came around. The first thought that entered her mind was that she and Artie would be perfect partners. Their voices sounded amazing together and she was sure they would be a shoo-in for the win. She had never imagined that he would have moved on; that he was dating someone else – _Brittany_ of all people. They had made fun of the ditzy girl in the past and she could hardly believe that he would ever date her. Artie was incredibly smart, while the other girl – well not so much.

When they called off their duet, Tina felt strangely relieved. Apparently their relationship wasn't meant to be. She wasn't sure why she cared that he was single; she had dumped him, and didn't have any right over who he dated or not. However, a few weeks later she found out that they were dating again and the other girl pretty much told her that they were messing around.

Tina had tried to pretend that Artie and Brittany weren't doing things together, that their relationship was purely handholding and kissing. She knew she was kidding herself, especially when considering Brittany's background with this stuff. However, she just couldn't bring herself to imagine Artie having sex with the blonde. She kept herself firmly believing that nothing was happening.

This was of course all dashed later when everyone believed Brittany to be pregnant. The girl had started rambling on about a stork which pretty much solidified the fact that she wasn't, but Tina had seen the fear and worry on Artie's face and she knew that there was a real possibility that she could have been pregnant; that they had gone all the way at one point.

It was that moment that she decided to have sex with Mike. She knew she was being foolish; she almost wanted to get back at Artie, but he wouldn't care now, would he? He had moved on and was happy with Brittany. Tina was ironically the one who hadn't lost her feelings for him.

Sex with Mike was scary, painful, and just not a great experience. He had been hinting that he wanted to go further for awhile; not in so many words, but she could tell. He had plenty of experience in the past, whereas she had only been in one relationship that hadn't ventured that far into the physical aspect. That was one thing – she had to live up to his expectations which she was pretty sure were high. He was on the football team and had been with girls like Santana and Brittany who were thin, fit, and beautiful. Girls who knew what they were doing, with silky hair, flat stomachs, and confidence.

She would brag about it later to Mercedes, put on a show face but it was truly _scary_. He was big, and it hurt – a lot. She knew he was trying to be gentle, but it didn't really matter. She cried afterwards, once he fell asleep. She cried because it did hurt, but not just physically. She cried because she found her wishing that her hands had been tangled in shaggy brown hair, not black. She had almost been surprised to find herself staring into brown eyes instead of blue. Having sex with Mike wasn't what she thought it would be – she figured it would bring them closer and she would finally get over her feelings for Artie. It had done the exact opposite though.

She cried even harder when she thought about the previous year, after she and Artie had finally gotten together. She had thought they'd be together forever, best friends turned lovers. She had imagined their first time being together and now that would never happen.

In the following weeks, she would make it sound great when she told her friends, and glossed over the bad parts, but inside it was tearing her up. She had yet another regret piled up on her, and she felt as if all her regrets were slowly pressing down on her, suffocating her. She didn't know how to get rid of the things she wished she hadn't done.

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><p><em>Reviews are appreciated as always.<em>


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